everyone is single if you try hard enough
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
