took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
