Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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