Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Acid is not a monday night drug
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
