I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
