So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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