The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
