I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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