the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize