i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
