put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
