Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
