I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
