Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
