a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
