she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
