there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
