Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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