You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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