she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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