Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
