Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
