I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
