My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
