I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Randomize
