No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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