what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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