I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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