you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
