Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
