So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
