i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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