No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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