okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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