I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
