In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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