you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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