I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
