So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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