my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need moral support for this bender
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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