Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
