I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
