i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am one with the molecules
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
