you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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