Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
