I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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