I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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