I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
