I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
