i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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