Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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