He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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