stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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