she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
