so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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