If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
