I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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