What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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