i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
