I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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