porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
