Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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