The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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