the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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