I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
