I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
