I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
