Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
