You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My feet surprised me
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