so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
